Radio adalah salah satu media pop mainstream ketika jaman gue masih SD (belum lama sih… tahun 1999-2005). Sekitar tahun 2004 fitur radio mulai ada di telepon selular. Gue dan teman-teman SD gue lebih senang mendengarkan radio dari telepon selular dibanding nonton televisi atau main internet yang masih mahal banget biaya kuotanya. Dulu, gue adalah pendengar setia IRadio yang selalu memutarkan lagu Indonesia sepanjang masa. Sebaliknya, teman-teman gue adalah pendengar setia Prambors yang tergolong radio jenis TOP 40.

Singkat cerita, di IRadio gue engaged dengan beberapa lagu lawas. Makanya kalau gue satu tim lomba tebak lagu lawas sama Aini mungkin bisa jadi juara.

Nah, salah satu lagu yang pertama kali gue dengar di IRadio adalah Gemilang dari Krakatau (if you know Dwiki Dharmawan, Indra Lesmana, Tri Utami, Gilang Ramadhan, dkk). Bukan hanya karena lagunya yang enak didengar dan dinyanyikan, tapi liriknya benar-benar ‘memeluk’ gue tanpa benar-benar gue tahu apa maksudnya.

Beberapa tahun kemudian, ketika gue kuliah, Andien membawakan kembali lagu Gemilang. Andien juga membuat video klip dengan konsep kegemilangan perempuan Indonesia. Akhirnya, gue tahu lagu ini pun mengajak gue berbicara.


Bagi sebagian orang menghidupkan dirinya bukanlah hal yang mudah. Menjaga diri tetap waras dengan impian, hasrat, dan tekad juga butuh usaha yang besar. Tapi selalu… pasti selalu ada masa ketika kita sadar satu-satunya keistimewaan yang kita miliki untuk menghidupkan diri dan menjaga diri tetap waras adalah WAKTU. Setelah bertemu lebih banyak orang, setelah menjadi bayangan yang berusaha memiliki sinar sendiri, atau setelah hidup tanpa dianggap sebagai apapun.

Hal ini selalu susah bagi perempuan. Ketika laki-laki memacu diri mereka untuk mendobrak tuntutan hidup dan ekspektasi orang-orang; perempuan harus melawan konstruksi sosial, stereotype, hingga risiko kekerasan. Tapi selalu ada waktu untuk mampu menghadapi semua itu…. Selalu ada waktu menuju tempat yang gemilang… Selama ada logika, keyakinan, dan daya dalam diri.

waktu terus menguji, tekad yang kumiliki…



i might be running too fast


one day there’s a sixteen years old boy came to me and say that he really wants to be someone that everyone depend on.

he wished, one day people would say to him, ‘thanks God, we have this man here’

and one day he realize that he was forgetting his dream.



at least, I once said those words to him.


face each own battle might be the latest thing we could do now

i don’t even know how should i feel or how should i make it right



he might be the greatest person that i’ve ever met

and sure someday he would hear those words from many people


(and on my 21st birthday… i wish that I could say those words again in his way coming back home someday)


I do love listening.

Either it’s not easy, or effortless at the same time. The fact that I couldn’t have to speak is calming me. The words that come to me is trying to touch me, trying to lead my mind, or trying to change me. The speaker that talk to me is trying to get my affirmation, trying to fight me, or trying to manipulate me. In the end, speaking is a job to reach someone’s mind and heart. Otherwise, listening is a job to taking care of someone’s mind and heart. A job to feel someone’s feeling.

So I do love listening to music.

It’s not limited to that kind of commercial music that we can find in television or radio. Neither that so-called-fancy-indie music. I decided not to define my music. As long as it reaches me, it’s a good song to listen to. The pitch resembling an idea then I’m taking care of it.

In spite of all that has been said, I really want to reach someone’s mind and heart. So here’s the song that I’d like you to listen… Thanks I was born, thanks I could feel happy yet sick life, thanks I could loving someone with all my soul, thanks I could meet so many people, and thanks I also could listen their feeling. Thanks for cherish my 21st birthday…



Dear Nadia Nur Fadilla,

I know it’s super late to post. But, rather late than never expressing your birthday. So let me cherish your 21st step to the future.


Me and Nadia awkwardly befriended on first year of college. She already get along with Namira and Aini (at that time, those are looks like a hijabers trio). Nadia always be the cutest and sweet as candy person for us. She could be that big baby girl whose shoes piled in special shelf, while being a lover who faithfully waiting to be a home for the one she loved. She raised well in lovely family and have a big concern to her two younger brothers (things that I envy a lot). If you were got that shopping vein in your blood, you must be her bestfriend. She DO REALLY love shopping!

I never know what she aim for her life. She might be wants to be a great wife and mother for her own family. She might be wants to be that successful corporate public relation. Or else…

But she always be the sunny day in cloudy week. She would be someone that everyone always love.

put Nami and Ina as sweetener

put Nami and Ina as sweetener

Once again, happy birthday Nadia!


Where do you live?

Is it inside a home of a heartless world?

I keep telling myself that I should live in darkness. I could easily identifying a light. Even the black one looks less dark than the white one. And all in the world becoming grey, like the rest of human being.

I go searching the place without those spoiled adults around. Then find it between the line of life and dream where the elder became a kid and a kid became an aunt of eleven nieces. So there’s a door that called LOST. All the things feel unsatisfying while we’ve got what it takes.

I try to run. As far as I realize that people lie in shame. The need of being needless. And all the -less we could catch. Cause all I heard just high pitch of anger. All I watched just an unfair battle of coward waiting for revenge.  

So tell me where do you live?

Is it inside a home of a heartless world?


Dear, Aini

I’m so excited to welcome your new stage in life. I can even close my eyes before 12 AM. Though, it’s already August 9, I still want to say ‘HAPPY TURN 22 my elder friend’. The only one who taking care of me while I’m struggling to face every-mad-day-life. You’ll always be everyone’s best friend.

It’s just a short message that telling you how deep you impact my life.

Your jokes is something that refresh our friendship. Your laugh is absolutely a line between ‘fun’ and ‘nice try, dude’ moment. Your care is a healing of my unconditional emotion. Your unhealthy eating lifestyle is something that I believe as a sign of ingenuity. Your sloppy sleeping style is a symptom of hard yet happy life. And your strength is something that I treasure as inspiration.

Thanks for welcoming me as a friend and one of trusted persons in our FISIPERS UI. You’re my nakama. Let’s grow up together!




I’d repeat your words. It’s great you know, to have friends who can talk stupid things or laugh to death with, and at the same time enrich mind & perspectives.

And that’s all you meant to me…. Happy birthday, Aini Bestari.